The last leg

One night left in Miami, one night left in North America, One night left of a year long trip. It's been a long and ever eventful journey.
Our last night was spent in South Beach Miami in a boutique hotel that bore little relation to all the other cheap motels we'd stayed in America. A bit of luxury for our last night.
Although the majority of Miami is dull sprawl, spending a couple of nights in South Beach is great. We're in walking distance of everything, including the bars along the front near the beach. It's a good, and rare, place to be in America where you can sit outside sipping cocktails in the balmy weather of a an evening. The art deco buildings surround the few streets around our hotel and the beach front with their neon glow at night. Starting with a free bar for an hour at our hotel we're merrily set up for an evening of reflection of the previous year and anticipation of going home the next day. Sipping Mojitos in South Beach is a classic way to end it all.
Another truly American experience was had in the morning of our last day, eating a full breakfast at an American diner. These places are fairly few and far between, a lot more so than I'd thought, but many chain diners exist. It was excellent to get into a proper independent diner and have 'the works'. Even more typical was the foreign owners, Cubans this time, as the majority of films would have you believe that America is run by middle class white folk.
We stroll the beach in the blazing sunshine and wonder if Manchester will be this warm, of course not! Still, I don't know what people are talking about when they say everyone around here looks like models, maybe they mean hand models because the majority are damn ugly.


Just before we leave a guy with designer clothes, brand new trainers, gold chains and a bag full of stuff asks us for five dollars, I tell him to sell his shoes.

On the way to the airport we stop off to have a look at the odd looking Bacardi building, I'm not even sure this has any other purpose than just looking square but it's decent either way. I didn't realise this was the base for Bacardi but it makes sense being so close to Cuba and the Caribbean.
So that was it. All that's left is getting our flight and wondering whether British Airways would massively charge us for getting all our luggage on board, including two snowboards and boots. Luckily for us they didn't. In fact it turns out that BA was probably the best airline in the world we'd flown with. They make American Airlines look like the Wright brothers on their first crossing.
Miami is an odd place, I like it and I thinks it's terminally dull at the same time. I couldn't help thinking of the tv series 'Nip Tuck' and wondered if it might have been better if it'd been shot in Clitheroe. But that's America. They paint an amazing picture of what isn't always an amazing place. Us Brits are better at saying how bad everything is and how much worse it's getting when the real truth is that we're living some of the best lives in the world.
I've got butterflies in my stomach with nervous tension about coming home. Back to the real world, working weeks, wages and the end of constant travelling. What lies ahead?

More beer please

West Palm Beach sounds like a place dripping with cash, large holiday resorts and bikini clad models. Well it did to me. The reality is another story. Around our motel is apparently gang territory and it does look pretty run down. Even so it's not exactly the Favellas of Rio.
We're here to see one of my favourite bands, Pearl Jam, handily supported by another of my favourites the Kings of Leon. The venue itself is typical Florida, an outdoor amphitheatre. The lightening and rain has been lurking around today but as the dark sets in the weather calms down.
As we queue to collect our tickets a guy at the front is holding everyone up. He's a one-legged guy who's trying to get into the more expensive area to no avail. I can only describe him as the typical Vietnam war veteran you see on American films and TV. Tie-dyed head handkerchief, 70's rock t-shirt and a 'far out' Californian accent. It would've been more amusing if Kings of Leon weren't already playing we couldn't get in without our tickets.
Once in we realise that the Kings of Leon aren't as popular n their homeland as they are back in good ole Blighty. It's a decent set which is only let down by the dour American crowd. Ah, let's get some beers in to quench our thirst in this intense humidity. It's not that simple. For starters beer is £5 a pint. I can stand that on an occasion like this, and with a wad of cash that we have from the car sale, but the real problem is actually getting served. No-one is willing to serve us without valid I.D. We both have our UK driving licenses but when the bar staff look through their huge book of state driving license photographs, for recognition purposes, they don't have it. Understandable, I suppose, that they would have Hawaii state license pictures and no UK ones, even if the UK is about as close! Our only hope, as we're advised, is to approach the sheriff and see if he'll escort us to the bar. How ridiculous. We ask the sheriff and his idol looking deputies if this is possible but they tell us by law they can't do it. However, they do point us in the direction of a more lenient barmaid. We buy one beer and don't bother with all the messing about again. Disappointing and nowhere near rock and roll enough for my liking.
A great set by Pearl Jam that couldn't even be interrupted by a couple of large planes descending very low overhead on the way into land nearby. After the gig it takes around two hours to get off the choked car park.
Next day we drive south to retirement paradise Fort Lauderdale.

We go to have a look at the long beach but even though the sun is out it's far too windy to be hanging around. A woman tells us about the ills of sea lice that can get inside your swimming costume whilst you're in the sea, lovely. Let's get to South Beach, Miami.

Into the wild

Stopping off for breakfast on a tropical island sounds like bliss. It isn't far from it either, other than the nearby road. The heat is is already tremendous and the scenery of this Key is gorgeous.


Entering the nearby Everglades National Park the road seems just above the water and the seemingly endless marsh land all around us. The Everglades is the third biggest mainland national park in America and is full of all sorts of marine and bird wildlife but my main interest is spotting some alligators. A short walk along a boardwalk almost instantly gives me a glimpse of a couple of alligators ready to pounce on a wary bird.
As the walk continues it leads out onto a large pond that at first sight seemed quiet and empty. That was until we started to look more closely and spotted around 10 alligators smoothly moving through the water hardly creating a ripple and then dipping out of view beneath. A couple of gators rest and yawn a few feet away from us in the shade of trees. Some of the gators are huge, not somewhere you'd want to go for a swim no matter how hot it felt!


We consider camping and wander why no-one else has bothered, after all the weather is fine for it so we decide to pitch the tent. This is when we discover the reason the place is deserted, the bugs instantly gather round. All that stagnant water and heat mean a classic breeding ground for the little blighters. We pack up and drive on.


We end up driving further than expected and arrive in Miami late in the evening. I begin to think more and more about the end of the trip with only a week left till we fly home. With little left to see we have to sell the car within the week and to fund the last few days as money has almost run out. Maybe I shouldn't have left it till the last week to sell the car.

West Palms, South Beaches and Ocean Drives

Through the city of West Palm Beach we drive along straight coastal roads that rarely give glimpses of the coast. When we do we stop off for a stroll along a very busy section of beach which has pretty cool Atlantic waves hitting the shores. We pass plenty of surf shops, but no actual surf, and mammoth houses right on the beach front. Through West Palm Beach, we think, is a Rodeo Drive-like road that is crammed with top designer stores all set in Spanish Colonial pristine white buildings.
We plough on through Fort Lauderdale, the retirement capital of America and quite possibly where 80's sitcom Golden Girls was based, but don't really stop to have a look round. There's clearly plenty of cash about though as mansions dot the roadside. This stretch of Florida then clearly splits in two. A large sandbar has developed off the coast which is joined numerous times by many bridges along the way. On this wide sandbar the ultra rich live, as well as the plush islands in between, unlike the mainland where people live in almost squalid housing and run down neighbourhoods with countless boarded up buildings and lonely Mexican and Cuban immigrants wandering about. The divide is enormous.
When we enter Miami this theme continues until we get into Downtown. This area is still pretty grim but has a few skyscrapers and business people walking around the frazzled homeless people. Miami is huge. The downtown area isn't but as a whole it's massive. Over the bridge onto the rich side of town is where the real Miami in the movies is. You have to go right to the beach to find it and even then it's only a small area. South Beach Miami is the place to be. Ocean Drive is the road to be on and only at one end. A clutch of Art Deco hotels line the streets and are lit up at night to great effect. This classic buildings where nearly demolished but were saved and refurbished to retain some Americanism as the floods of Cuban immigrants came here.
We stroll along the beach and into a chain burger/diner place that is within the building that featured in the film Scarface. If you know the film then you'll remember the chainsaw incident that took place here.
It's only a flying visit here, so after a burger and shake we continue south because we know we'll be back here as our flight home depends on it.
I never realised the Atlantic Ocean could look so blue and around here it almost looks like Thailand, with it's long beaches and stunning water and constant sunshine. We were told that most Americans live in Florida at least once, but not many stay longer than a few years. The humidity is a bit overbearing after a while.
We are heading to the most southerly point in the U.S.A., Key West. The Florida Keys are a collection of islands that leave the tip of Florida and extend in a curve towards Cuba beneath. A 'Key' is an island no bigger than 10,000 square metres, I think, and the Florida Keys number around 1700. The main 20 or so islands are linked by a road and many bridges, which means some islands are hardly bigger than the road itself.
Fishing and boating is very popular here and you can see why as the water is a magical pristine blue. Many islands are dotted around and are only accessible by boat so it would be handy to have one. If you see pictures of the Florida Keys you'd be forgiven for thinking it was some tropical paradise but the reality is that the busy road is never far away. Many of the islands look tired and have crumbling shacks besides beautiful palm trees. There's a continuing theme of tat and awful looking restaurants with bad lobster paintings adorning many places. We do, however, cross a fabulous 7 mile bridge that would make for stunning photographs, if only there was somewhere to pullover. The bridge starts at island level and continues for a while until arcing up and then down again to let large cruise ships through.
We arrive at Key West which has around 35% of all the Key's population and in turn is the biggest island. There's a trashy holiday feel to the place with knackered bars and beer offers abound. The streets beside look good though with countless palm trees giving the place a Caribbean feel. Some guy in a shopping centre wants people to pay him to have a photograph taken with him and his parrot. We walk out and see a group of real sponges arranged in the shape of a man. It's scorchingly hot and after an hour of wandering we've seen enough. Around the corner is officially the most southerly point of the U.S. There's a guy trying to flog paintings and a plaque telling people of the significance of this place. Right next to it is a group of satellite dishes pointed out at sea towards Cuba. As we stand we are nearer to Cuba than we are Miami so they like to keep a watchful eye on their Communist neighbours. It was from here that intelligence was gathered about the Cuban missile crisis of the 60's when they granted Russia permission to keep nuclear missiles on Cuban soil.
We camp that evening on another extortionate state park but the pitch is literally ocean side. Unfortunately it's also roadside on this small Key and the constant traffic noise, especially from the rather slow but loud Harley Davidsons that are everywhere, make it a bit annoying. We eat tea and the rain starts. Soon it's hammering us in the tent and the wind batters the whole thing about in it's sand moorings. The only thing stopping it blow off into the ocean is us inside.
We've gone as south as we can go so we head back north wondering how much left to this trip there is. One national park to go.

A beer rollercoaster, a shuttle and Hulk

On the west coast of Florida is Tampa Bay but we didn't drive the hour or so to visit the city itself, or even the beach. We came to Busch Gardens, a kind of big scale Alton Towers with an African theme. You know, roller coasters and lions, elephants and log flumes. Busch, it soon dawns on me, is the owner of the brewery that produces Budweiser beer, which explains the many beer stalls dotted around the park. The queues are short in this off-season time and we get on all the insane rides and have a ride on a circular train around the fake African plain. All sorts of animals are munching grass besides giant high speed coasters. It seems ridiculous but it works. There's plenty of room here and the weather also has an African theme.
A great meal at an British colonial style restaurant is followed by more stomach sickening rides and unbelievable tidal wave based water rides. Definitely more adult themed and in turn more interesting than Disney. If you've come all this way to Florida you've got to make the trip here, that's if you like feeling a bit sick all day and paying for the privilege.
After a rest day we drive to the opposite coast for another first. We attempt to get into the Kennedy Space Centre to see the huge display of space shuttle equipment and shuttles themselves but are turned away. This turns out to be for a very good and well timed reason. We've managed to time our visit with one of the last shuttle launches for the next few years. And I thought we just see a couple of decommisioned shuttles.
We have to drive to a nearby town to watch the launch from about 10 miles away with plenty of people who've come prepared with barbeques and beer for a bakingly hot day. We have to wait around for 3 hours to see the launch but it was worth it. The huge rumble of the shuttles afterburners make your hairs stand on end and the sight of the shuttle arcing it's way up through the atmosphere is an incredible sight. The people on the ground are impressed too. A few minutes and it's all over and the traffic chaos back to base ensues. All the way back I can't help thinking how lucky we've been without actually planning anything.
Next day it's off to the very close Universal Studies for another day of theme park mayhem. The park is split into two areas that require more cash to enter but the whole thing again is superb. A lot of the rides in one park are movie-based and less like traditional rollercoasters and more like effects driven entertainment. The other park is more rollercoaster based with a couple of excellent rides of which The Hulk was the most shocking. After a couple of 3-D rides and the 4-D Terminator movie, in which a giant metal spider appears to walk out of the screen, we dash to try and get on some rides we'd missed before the incredibly early closing time of 6:30pm. Most rides are shut at 6pm which doesn't really give you enough time to see it all. Considering it was the most expensive place to visit and Disney was the cheapest you'd have thought they could at least match Disney's 12am opening time. You're chucked out of the park and into a horrible cheesy Universal Street that has ugly brightly coloured bars and restaurants that all look fast foody but charge restaurant prices. We end up eating badly at a TGI Fridays chain restaurant, again a disappointing mistake when we actually come to splashing out on food.
We return for our last night at Eric's house in Kissimee. The end of 10 days excellent accomodation and also a sign that the whole trip is drawing to an end. 11 days left when we hit the road once again. It was all so simply not having to find a place to stay every night but on we must go.

Kissimee quick

Orlando downtown is uneventful and like any other but we're in this vicinity because south of here is the house we'll be spending the next 10 days.
It's on what looks like the typical American housing estate that you see in the movies but what we haven't seen since we've been here. The large white houses are dotted around an 18 hole golf course which also serves as the back garden's view. It's all lush grass, small lakes and sandy bunkers. Thanks to the hospitality of Eric we've got our own room in this excellent house with attached swimming pool. After the amount of miles we've racked up and the almost constant travelling we find ourselves getting some healthy sleep end up lazing about the pool for a good few days. Suddenly I've never felt soo tired.


OK so we had to do it. We were too close not to. A day in Disney World just had to be done, didn't it? It's a kid-based theme park really and only has a couple of traditional rollercoaster rides. The main attractions here are the film and cartoon based attractions by the way of new 3-D movies combined with indoor rides. We've not seen this many English people since we'd left home. They're easy to spot too as they generally have red faces and are seen walking, of all things, near wide, busy roads in town.
Disney do a fantastic job with detail and the effort put into every ounce of the park is impressive. It's no wonder that kids love it. For me it was a little dull, especially the nightly parade through the fake streets, but worth a visit just to see how good Americans are at this stuff. Either way you can't deny the showmanship all rounded off by excellent fireworks put on each evening. Going to Disney World is an occasion no matter how old you are but at least I know I'll never have to go back ever again, don't even think about children! It's a long tiring day in baking sun but some comedy moments keep it entertaining, like the lines of overweight people driving around the queues in mobility scooters whilst trying to stuff a Flintstone's style turkey leg into their cake hole.
On our budget a visit to Disney would be otherwise impossible but thanks to free lodgings we manage to save enough to be able to visit a couple of other local theme parks. Even now though we begin to wonder if we'll have enough cash left to see out the trip, unless we sell the car early.

More south than the south

Florida is the furthest south of all US mainland states. Yet, the southern droll accent and the southern way of living that is always labelled with states like Georgia or the Carolinas has all but disappeared. I can only guess that this is due to Florida past owners, the Spanish. The landscape seems similar but, due to it's position on the trade route from South America, there's many coastal towns with Spanish influence as this was a handy stop off on the way back and to Europe.
Along the coast we drive long straight roads with a mixture of dusky baron and lush foliage and not much else for hours. We know the Atlantic is on our left but rarely see it past the privately owned land, many houses boast private beach access or at least a private boardwalk to the beach over the road from their houses.
I'd read that the city of Jacksonville was the biggest city sprawl in mainland America. Jacksonville was almost entirely forgettable other than for that fact. Oh, and it oddly had a lighthouse in the centre of it amongst the many homeless.


At dusk we enter the town of St Augustine. This is North America's oldest, continuous, settlement. I'd never heard of it. Possibly because it was set up and run by the Spanish to repel the English pirates trying to steal the gold on the Spanish ships returning from South America.
A fort in St Augustine protected the ships and the town for 300 years and is still there today. Just to the back of the fort is a small pedestrian street of Spanish colonial buildings with tat and ice-cream now being sold within. The town looks superb on the whole and is dotted with excellent buildings that reminds me of southern California more than Europe.
In the morning we take a look at the fort and watch a display of cannon firing. Unfortunately they don't actually fire a cannon, mainly because they say it has a 3 mile range, but the noise and procedure gives you a flavour of what once went on here. The fort was moderately interesting but in the end it lost out to the British and we burnt down the town in classic pirate style.
From here we carry on along the coast as the heat persists but the rain begins. By the time we reach Daytona beach the rain is flooding the streets in a monsoon style downpour. Daytona Beach is the home of American motorsports as it's here where the NASCAR race series was born. Racing on the beach has now been converted into endless racing in circles at 200mph. Fast, brash and insanely dull. The town itself is another Blackpool-esque affair but I do like the large colourful prints on the tarmac that adorn the numerous road intersections.
There's a smattering of art-deco style hotels but the majority are of the high-rise Costa Del Sol style. Surfer's Paradise comes to mind. Leather skinned homeless and shoeless cycling locals are the main populous we see but on a sunny day this may well be a different place.
It's away from the coast into the centre of Florida we drive. We go there for two reasons, one is that we've bagged free accommodation with a friend of Laura's dad, the other is that Orlando is renowned for theme parks and over the top entertainment. Now that's something the Americans excel at!