Big Bangkok (Part 2)

An incredibly mental day followed. We knew very little about the tour we'd booked, just getting out of the city for the day sounded good enough, but what was to follow was totally unexpected.
The day started in the small minibus with a couple of guys from our hostel, Eric the German and Matt the Aussie. Both sound guys. The main part of the trip was to visit the bridge over the river Kwai, as made infamous from the movie in the 70's I think.
First stop was a graveyard of British soldiers and other Commonwealth forces that helped fight in the war and prisoners of war held at the river Kwai. There were loads of graves but the stop off wasn't that interesting, it turns out it was mainly so that the tour guides could sort out the groups of people in different mini-buses depending on what they'd paid for as part of their trip. Confusing? It turned out to be, all day. We were then ushered into a different mini-bus for the 2 and a half our drive to the bridge.
It's not hard to notice in Thailand that they have pictures of the king everywhere, massive shrines in the middle of the motorway and they often wear bright yellow t-shirts with the king's emblem on it. Fair enough I suppose but we did hear of a drunk Swedish bloke getting 10 years in prison for defacing a poster! He got out in far less than that, with a pardon from the king no less, but they still take the king, and their love for him very seriously.
So we arrived at the bridge and to the pathetic attempt of a war museum they'd erected near-by. It was a horrible grotto of a place with toilets straight out of a zombie flick. Not only that some of the displays were atrocious. I noticed a wall of coins and notes, supposedly taken from prisoners of war at the time but there was at least 20 50pence coins from 1980 in there! Shoddy. I read a large notice about the history of the bridge and the hardships the Japanese put the pow's through in building and rebuilding it. It kept being destroyed because it was a valuable supply route for the Japanese war effort. But the torturous conditions the prisoners were under were awful. Right at the very end of this display it actually read and I quote(sort of), 'Although around 300,000 deaths occurred here it was not all for nothing. Because now the bridge is a famous landmark and many tourists come to Thailand to see it and learn about Thailand.' Oh well then. It's all alright because Thailand is now a tourist destination. Mental. There was also a lot of emphasis on the destructive Americans and their bombs, even dropping them on their own prisoners - due to the Japanese sending the pow's out onto the bridge thinking that allied forces wouldn't attack it. Lovely.

The bridge itself was ok but very busy to walk across. Health and safety officers would clearly have a heart attack if they saw the huge gaps people were strolling across though.

However, the countryside is amazing. Thailand is such a lush place with rolling green bushy hills and the humid climate to go with it. There's no denying its beauty.
As we walked back over the bridge a train began its journey across. A train!? This thing looked like it could barely carry 20 people! Rather them than me. Let's go.
Back in the mini-bus with another set of internationally confused travellers. This tour was run in conjunction with many others and swapping and changing about was clearly the norm. We had no idea where we'd end up next.
Oh good lunch. We heard that everybody gets ill at some point in Thailand. I really didn't fancy that at all so at the fly infested buffet lunch I stuck with rice. The safe mans choice. Besides, luke warm wobbly meat is bad enough without the internal fluids of flies added into the mix.
The 'restaurant' itself was floating, not quite a boat but floating all the same. I'm sure they charge extra for this ramshackle shed on water. The water is pure brown too, but I think that's mud sediment so I'll let them off.
What next? Oh of course, lets get on an elephant and be ridden around at the behest of an 8 year old boy! Still, you just get on with it. Spot on scenery, even if I felt a bit queasy with the lolloping elephant pondering around wondering whether to follow the boys commands or walk towards a yummy looking tree. Often he chose the latter. Uncomfortableness aside and onto our next fun filled adventure. A bamboo raft ride along the river. This turned out to be superb. A real relaxed cruise along a beautiful river on a half submerged bit of wood tie together with elephant eyelashes, probably. It's was excellent just taking in the views and discussing the oddities of travel with a group of Americans by our side. Cracking. And best of all he was the only guy, the raft man that is, who didn't asked for any tip at the end. My type of ride. A highlight of the day, especially when the American next to me fell right through is feeble bamboo seat. Excellent.
All in a days work. What next? Oh tiger temple you say? Hmmm oh good.
We took another minibus to a waterfall which did look pretty stunning but mainly the stop off was to change people into different mini-buses again. After a quick look round we were off to the tiger temple. Now I'm no friend of the animals but I don't like to see cruelty either so I was wondering what to expect.
Upon arrival we were told we would have to pay 300 baht to enter. No way! I refused point blank declaring it was all part of the trip we'd paid for. I had noticed that our tour 'guide' was hanging back slightly to see if any of the tour group would pay. This was because he had the money to pay for everybody in his hand but wanted to see if he could pocket that and let the tourists pay the entrance fee. Once I said I wasn't going in he came forward and said he would pay for us. Dodgy.
We'd heard a few different things about the tiger temple, some good some bad, the main being that it had been featured on cable tv as being amazingly good. We also heard that instead of monks putting the tigers into a calming trance, as was the official line, it was more a case of slip them a few sedatives so the daft tourists can have heir photos taken with them.
I'm not sure either way what was going on but I had my photo taken with a couple of tigers anyway, not that I was too interested as I thought at any moment they could turn on me and bite off my important bits. The park itself was pretty good though, it was like a safari park with loads of animals running wild...right next to you. "Oh is that a wild boar running towards me at 20 miles an hour?" It seems so.
And so the last visit of the day was over and the disorganised chaos of this tour can finally come to an end on the way back to Bangkok. Oh no. We waited around while a tour guide tried to arrange what bus we'd be going in. One of the drivers did not look pleased. I figured this from the pretend Thai-boxing kicks, the moaning voice and the repeated slamming of his fist on his van. Guess which driver was ours? Even so we were on our way and back in the same bus as Eric the German and Matt the Aussie. This time we also had the Americans we'd chatted to for ages and a seemingly insane bloke from Finland. Another Aussie couple joined us at the last minute as they wanted to be dropped off just outside Bangkok. So far soo good. Then the rain started. This was proper rain streaming across the carriageway. Why I chose to sit in the front for this 2 and a half hour journey I don't know. The driver was constantly fidgeting about under his seat whilst answering his mobile. Fine I thought. It's only total monsoon weather. We stopped off at a petrol station for snacks and drinks. And, as it turns out, so the driver could disconnect the accelerator cable from the pedal. This was so he could accelerate using his hand pulling the cable. Hmmm. Then the Aussie couple started getting agitated about whether the driver was dropping them off or not. He refused to say and was clearly agitated himself. His phone never stopped ringing and using the cable with your hand to accelerate clearly was hurting his hand......whilst answering his mobile phone.....and driving in full on rain. This was becoming a nightmare. We stopped again and the Aussie bloke got out to confront the driver. This ended in a load of pushing, shoving and shouting and half punches being thrown. Oh please end this joyous day! But no, we ploughed on. Eventually we got into Bangkok but with still a way to go. The driver pulled over at what looked like his mini-bus depot to see if he could change vans but it was too late at night. The mental Fin, Eric the German, Matt the Aussie and us had had enough. We got out and all crammed into a taxi, four of us in the back. They were cheap anyway and we'd had enough excitement for one day to carry on with the mentalist mini-bus driver. We hit traffic, Bangkok style. Heavy and nothing moves for 10 mins or so. The Fin guy in the front is trying to persuade the taxi driver to take some side roads and swerve in and out of traffic once we get moving. Unfortunately the driver took his advice......only times 10! The guy drove like I've never seen before, except in Hollywood movies, swerving at breakneck speeds in and out of traffic like a total nutter. He floored it and everybody when sheet-white. I felt ill. It was like being stuck in a Playstation game, with 3 other people crammed next to you!
All was fine when we eventually got out at the monorail station, yep Bangkok has a monorail(quite advanced stuff too). Back to the hostel and out for a meal with German Eric and Aussie Matt. A few Chang beers soon calmed us all down but I'll never forget that day. Or the fear!
Blimey, all in a day. I was glad to be getting out of this place the next day for sure!
Paradise here we come, so we've been told.
Below, me and a tiger, niether of us are totally enjoying ourselves!