Where's Yogi?

Yogi isn't here because that was Jellostone Park, not Yellowstone. Still we're here anyway Yogi or not.
At this time of the year most of the park is still closed, the altitude means thick snow for long periods of the year, but the long north road is ploughed for visitors.
Yellowstone was the first national park created in the world. Franklin Roosevelt conceived the national park system and Yellowstone was the first to be inducted in 1872. It's also a giant volcano. It could even be the starting point of life on earth as a massive explosion from here could have changed the air content on earth to the fine balance of gases that now enables us to breath.
Just before we enter the park we drive slowly past large Buffalo grazing around in a nearby children's playground. As soon as we drive beneath the Roosevelt arch into the park we encounter plenty of Bison, or Buffalo depending on how you feel, strolling in groups along the road. We later find out that the Buffalo in Yellowstone and around the park aren't native to the area. They were brought in as the original 3 million or so Buffalo in the area were hunted with no thought that the population would die off. Genius. You can get quite close to them but it's not really advised, they may plod around like cows but they can get aggressive and are pretty speedy with it.

We also spot cow elk, it's hard not to when they gallop out in front of you as you round a blind corner.
Through the park runs the Yellowstone River, this meets Boiling River with dramatic steamy effect. It's called Boiling River for a reason. The reason Yellowstone is so popular is due to this hot stuff. People are bathing in the sulphurous water even though there's snow everywhere and I'm wrapped up in hat, coat and a scarf.
In the visitors centre is a display of stuffed animals, Americans love to shot defenceless animals to make themselves feel manly and then display their proud kill. The young deer elk is especially grim. In another room is an artist's display of paintings from the park from the late 1800's. I don't like the style but it's interesting to find out the artist was from Bolton.
Near the centre is Mammoth Hot Springs, now that's a descriptive name right there. Boiling water pours out from the earth and runs down the hill side creating levels of residue in which blue, red and green pools of water, similar to that of New Zealand, sit melting the snow around and solidifying trees in it's wake. It's a film set moment yet again.
We drive along the 56 mile road encountering bison every 5 minutes or so. I've never seen so much wildlife roaming around, it's like Knowsley Safari Park! Stag and elk are grazing on the hillsides and as we head further along the road it becomes more and more like wilderness. As the roads quieten and snow covers everything from the fields up to the bottom of mountains it feels like what I imagined Alaska to be like. Then we see some wolves in a pack running along the river's edge to confirm the view. Yellowstone is a massive place and we've only seen the top quarter of it.
The icy road runs out in the small hamlet of Cook City, not a city at all. It's blocked off from there beyond and only inhabited by snowmobilers and us in the only moving car.


Back through the park, avoiding the hoards of bison, to stop in Gardner on the outer edge just as the sun goes down. The chilly wind has picked up and blown snow across the road we came in on.


Yellowstone is without doubt stunning and we've only scratched the surface. Once the full park is open the huge lake and geysers make up the huge geothermal crater that's one of the highest visited parks in the land, but that's not for another month at least but at least we've seen something. It's thought that an volcanic eruption from this place could very well change the earth's atmosphere no matter what us mere mortals did to try and change it and unsurprisingly it's overdue another explosion.

A hole in Wyoming

Wyoming has the best car registration plate in America. No arguments. It's got a huge rock, featured in Steven Spielberg's 'Close Encounters of a Third Kind', and it's got a cowboy riding a bucking horse. Classic. Most other plates are drab, California just has the name on it, Oregon has a tree on it and New Mexico's is just yellow. Wyoming's only challenger is Utah which has a rock arch from the national park but that doesn't beat a cowboy and a square lump named Devil's Rock.
Only an hour or so out of Idaho Falls and we're into Wyoming and the small town of Jackson. It's also known as Jackson Hole as it sits in a dip at the bottom of surrounding mountains. It's a very decent place and has no doubt become so due to the influx of cash from the few ski resorts right on the edge of town. Not only that but the sharp mountain peaks Grand Teton National Park is only a few miles out of town.
The town has a small square, a rarity in towns we've seen so far, that is covered in lights and and elk antlers. Don't worry no elks were harmed in the making of the four antler archways cornering the square. There's a large elk refuge just outside town and the antlers are collected by boy scouts, once the elks have shod them of course, and sold for donations to the local council.
A more famous park is situated just north of Grand Teton National Park, Yellowstone. At this snowy time of year though the south and west entrances to Yellowstone are closed to all but skis and snowmobiles.
With the snow coming down heavily we visit the Grand Tetons. French explorers named the mountains 'Les Trois Tetons'. To those in the know this means 'The three tits' or breasts, whichever you prefer. Those French explorers must've been mighty lonely to think that these jagged mountains look like breasts but I'm sure it got them through those cold nights. Again most of the roads are closed to snow but one is open and we drive it to see what we can see. Not a lot it the answer. Cloud covers the top of the peaks and the snow is getting progressively worse throughout the day. A huge lake is laid out before us but you'd never guess it as it's completely blanketed in soft snow. This kind of snow is great for the ski resorts but not for the sight seeing. Still you can tell it's an impressive place. I try my hand at a bit of snowboarding on yet another thickly covered hill with little success.
The dark rolls in and soon we find ourselves struggling to see more than 10 metres in the now sideways blizzard. The wind is blowing snow off the edge of the road into the cars path like a snow-making machine. Roads that were clear that day were covered the next morning in a good few inches of soft white powder.

At least the next day gives us a brief view of the breasts, I mean peaks. Impressive they are and I can imagine that when summer arrives the park will be even more stunning with the huge lakes and green fields that are currently lying under all this snow.


From the morning in Wyoming into the afternoon into Idaho to enter Montana and West Yellowstone. A small village covered in house-high snow where lanes are forged out beneath glowing motel signs. The west entrance is still closed and we head on north to a small town called Livingston which carries on the dull tradition of western towns. At least from here it's only an hours drive to the only year round open entrance to Yellowstone National Park.

Famous Potatoes

The land either side of the road is less populated as we drive north into Idaho. It's getting visibly colder too. Undulating fields covered in thick snow go off into the distance. The only area uncovered by snow is the road we're travelling on.
I know nothing about Idaho other than what it declares on it's car state plates, either 'Famous Potatoes' or the very descriptive 'Scenic'. Neither sound as exciting as Utah's 'Ski Utah!' or New Hampshire's 'Live Free or Die!' plates. Idaho is scenic I'll give it that.


We're here to visit Craters of the Moon National Park. Another volcanic landscape of hardened black lava and domed peaks. Pretty much all of it is still closed when we get there though, due to the snow. Still, driving through the white landscape that occasionally breaks for the streaks of black volcanic rock is a sight in itself.
Towns are few and far between here and when we do pass through a couple they're essentially outposts and little else. One of the towns has a great name though, Atomic. This is the first place in the US, maybe the world I'm not sure, to be totally reliant on atomic energy. This reminded me of being back in Vegas and reading an information sign placed on Fremont Street. It told of the atomic testing that took place in the desert in the 1950's. The mushroom cloud from these bombs could be seen a hundred miles away and had the knock on effect of smashing the glass of some downtown casinos. Now and again we come across posters in Utah, Nevada and Arizona asking for people who'd been around at the time within a 500 mile radius if they'd suffered any ill effects from the tests. It's a bit scary when you're own government is testing bombs out in the desert and isn't quite sure of the adverse effects yet. They even let people watch the explosions from 7 miles away at viewing areas, in which protective goggles had to be worn. Radiation must've surely got to these people too.


Back in the National Park we chat to the ranger and he tells us that it may be worth climbing the largest crater and snowboarding down it. As this is free and is located just behind the visitors centre we can't pass it up. Boots on, boards out and up we go. A tough climb in sometimes waist high snow gets me 3 quarters of the way up before it's impossibly steep. The hard work gives me great views of the surrounding peaks.


The snow is thick and nice and soft to fall on your face in, as I do often. After climbing up and boarding down a fair few times I'm completely knackered and we drive off away from the sunset to Idaho Falls.
This town sounds better than what it is, the falls in the name are man-made and unimpressively short. It's not totally dire though, half decent half grim. Although Idaho is probably worth more time we've one of the best ski towns in America to visit in the nearby state of Wyoming.

Utah Saints

Salt Lake City is known for a few things. It's Utah's state capital, it held the Winter Olympics in 2002, the nearby slat flats hold land speed record runs and it's the home of the Mormon church in the U.S.
The snow is coming down thick as we drop down a never ending hill towards the city. Apparently the temperature and the moisture content around here mean that the weather system produces quality snow powder. Coupled with the world class ski resorts around the city and it's easy to see why the Olympics was chosen to be staged here.
A dominant feature of the skyline is the Mormon church that took 40 years to build before the turn of the 20th Century. It's an impressive building and is housed in it's own square in which other buildings connected to the church surround. There's a lot of stigma about the Mormon religion, the Church of the Latter day Saints, and we take a free tour around the Temple Square to find out more.
To be honest Salt Lake City hasn't got much else going for it other than snow related activities, the downtown area is bland and empty even on a Saturday. This is mainly because everybody is strolling around the paved shopping street a few blocks down dressed in awful green garb, it's St. Patricks' Day. In England we use this day as an excuse to get hammered but here in Utah they use it to wear orange wigs and green shorts, I know which I prefer.
The tour around some of the Mormon buildings and temple square must have to rang as one of the most uncomfortable things I can remember for a long while.
We listen to some mildly interesting information about the setting up of Utah by the head of the Mormon church, Joseph Smith. Then we get to hear a load of tosh about how this Joseph Smith fella and another conman Brigham Young are god like and have received messages from god and blah blah. We then sat through some comic sermon from a Jesus voice from around a statue of the bearded dude.
Whilst we filled out comment cards about the tour the two guides, both young women as they always are, sang some god song of some sort. At one point I thought they were going to ask us to prey, I was about to swear loudly but it was all over. The nightmare hadn't ended yet as we went into the Genealogy building to find out some family info for Laura. The Mormons are keen on family history and the like and it soon occurs to me why. They have vast access to family history so that they can look back into the past to, wait for it, baptise their dead relatives to become part of the Mormon church. No wonder they say 14 million people are part of the religion, they never said they were alive or not!
The whole thing is entirely mental and ludicrous. The Mormons kept banging on about being moved on and persecuted for their beliefs, which is clearly more insanity on a part of the Christian nutters already living in America. The way I see it is that one bloke, that Smith and then Brigham Young, decided it would be a good idea to become idolised by a load of people and make some cash in the process. Smith then invents some balls about god coming to him and telling him the true teachings of the bible are not be followed how he intended. Then he sets out to set up a new town, unfortunately not many think this and they think it fit to throw him and his followers out of town. Smith dies, whilst also denouncing polygamy to his death. Brigham Young carries on to the West until they happen upon a flat land beneath the mountains that is some what desert like and unforgiving. They set up the city around a grand church, that is in fact an impressive build. They name the place Deseret. Off the wall Brigham Young now becomes first governor. This guy not only dressed up as the dead Joseph Smith to pretend he'd returned from the grave to declare Brigham the new leader but also that Brigham is now god. Obviously. This all went down well with the willing congregation who took it all in, if only they'd had Google to research this charlatan. The guy had a history of trying to make a quick buck and this was a serious way to get a load of it. So now with God Brigham at the helm he announced polygamy was the god given way. Talk about brash, this guy not only has a wealth of followers, excellent living and the run of the town he now wants to have as many wives as possible. I've always that that this was a fast way of gaining more followers to your religion, by having lots of kids.
The state of Utah was, and to an extent still is, run by the Mormon church. A law unto itself. They were supposedly t-total, alcohol was banned, but as Mark Twain found out they had made a substitute similar to whiskey. The self ruling nature of Utah has run them into trouble a few times. They'd made agreements with the local Indians giving them permission to attack travellers through the state for their goods. Hundreds of people were killed by the Indians aswell as the Mormons themselves. When they wanted to become a state and therefore be a part of the United States the government were not interested due to their legal polygamy stance. Knowing that being assimilated into the union would benefit the state Brigham Young suddenly decided he'd got a message from god saying that now it probably wasn't the best idea to have 60 wives.
The government declared the state to be called Utah, after the local Ute Indians, and not Deseret as the Mormons wanted. But still once Utah became a state it was pretty vicious toward non members, aswell as Brigham's outspoken attitude toward African Americans, calling them 'dumb brutes' among many things.
The government wanted Young out of the seat at the head of Utah and sent in military protection for a new governor. The Mormons fought against the troops for some time until Young finally stepped down as governor. As a side note he also travelled to England to convert more gullibles and many of them moved to America as a result. Preston is said to have the longest continuous strain of Mormon belief in the world. This is probably because at this time Salt Lake City hadn't been set up.
Still, strange things have been known to happen in Utah. One related by Mark Twain was of a friend of his with a telegraph pole contract. This was the introduction of cross country networks in which Mormons were enlisted to erect through Utah. The Mormons decided throw all the telegraph poles into the desert and off mountains and return to their daily business. Apparently this was because it pleased them to get a gentile, non-Mormon, to commit them to a contract in which they felt they had no duty to fulfil. At much distress and cost to Twain's friend. He decided to approach Brigham who then decided to order the Mormons back to work. And that they did. But it just goes to show how they revelled in a feeling of lawlessness toward the Federal government.
Now the church is the centre of Salt Lake City and it's disillusioned believers. It offers people from around the world to come and study here, which is why our tour guides were from Samoa and Kenya. A great way to get new followers is get into the poor areas and offer them a new life in America, must be hard to say no. I've seriously had enough of all this bollocks after half a day and I'm glad when we head out of the place. Utah is an amazing state naturally but the rest is complete guff so it was good to see the salt flats.
The flats are about 2 hours out of town along the humongous Salt Lake. It's a short turning off the freeway to drive up a dead-end road to where the fastest land speed records have taken place. The Bonneville flats are the official name and are prepared each year for summer high speed runs. It's a vast plain of hard salt but it feels incredibly mushy near the edge. Many tourist's cars seem to have got stuck here but I couldn't resist pulling a doughnut out on salt, obviously in an area I'd walked on first. It's hard to imagine the fast land craft in the world has reached upto 600mph here on the mile track. It's straight one way and then another run back and an average is taken of the two runs.
It's freezing here and the wind really does whip around this strange land. It also happens to be near the Nevada border, as the large Casino attests. What's the deal with the gambling fixation here?
We drive back along the wind exposed road surrounded by white flats running into the distance. That's enough nutty religious stuff for me, we get enough in America as it is, so we leave Utah for the state to the north that's 'famous potatoes' weren't famous to me at all.

The Switzerland of America

High into the dense snow of the mountains we curve along steep slippery roads partially covered in slushy ice.
Up and down we go until we arrive at a small town at the foot of a sharp peak. A decent little place that has multi-coloured houses as we head down the short main street.Most places are shut and the roads deserted. We later find out that this small town sometimes gets soo much snow and is that isolated that food has to be helicoptered in.
We carry on as the light begins to fade over another mountain pass to the self named 'Switzerland of America' Ouray.
An alpine looking town with excellent buildings along a short main street that seems well looked after. The whole place is also surrounded by high peaks seeming right next to the edge of town.
Our motel has the air of an alpine chalet about it. The twee décor and piped through swing music, mainly Sinatra, all add to the throwback cosiness of it all.
We awake in this soft warm haven to look outside at equally soft snow coming down into the pocket of flatland on which this town is built.
Large flakes are silently covering the streets around town. It's a friendly place and certainly looks the part but whether I could live out here for any length of time I doubt very much. We leave Ouray and the snow behind us and into the flat plains that also make up 'Colorful' Colorado. We pass through some dull backwater towns, one comically(so I thought) named Dinosaur. Imagine that, 'I'm from Dinosaur.' What a great thing to be able to say.
Unfortunately the town itself was tiny and horrendously grim. Dinosaur footprints and fossils have been found around this area and a few lame dinosaur models stand out in front of crappy tourist shops.
And just like that we're back in Utah and the state continues to unimpress with it's decaying towns and people. Vernal is the town we decide to stop overnight in but, as we soon found out, the expensive motel rooms due to a local construction boom move us on. I'll admit it does look like a building site.
I would rather drive on to a town where the motels are half the price, particularly when most of these places are particularly dull. So, by this ideal we drive on for a couple of hours deeper into Utah.
There isn't much in-between the towns other than pristine white snowfields that resemble white sand dunes and equally as thick.
Altitude is obviously a major factor in the snow coverage here as we descend for mile after mile in ever decreasing snow until we're into yet another bland city that consists of the usual chain everything and roads, not much else.
One saving grave is at least it's a cheap place to stay. The other advantage is that it's close enough to check-in and then have a look around our next and quite controversial destination, the capital of Utah and the home of the U.S. Mormon church, Salt Lake City.